A Review by Michael Olatunbosun

The book, Lara's Lessons, is a book with a series of very potent messages for young ones of this generation. And the author, in her usual maternal mien, introduces the reader to the focus of the book.

In the author's preface, Ronke Giwa-Onafuwa tells us that the book explores some of the issues that affect young boys and girls, especially teenage girls, who might have been misunderstood by their parents. She writes that she faced similar challenges as a teen herself because there was no relatable counsel or role models who connected, and therefore provided the mentoring that synced with her own make-up.

So, since becoming a parent herself, she believes that the old model of parenting that she and her class were exposed to, is now obsolete, therefore she writes that parents need to upgrade their 'parenting OS and be prayerful in order to parent successfully in this day and age.'

The author, therefore without equivocation, lays out her cards right from the beginning of this book. She asserts that the lessons in this book are not some esoteric nuggets. They are lessons that she constantly teaches her daughters. They are tested and trusted, as we always say in this country.

The book, Lara's Lessons, strikes a cord, and tickles me in lots of ways. It is first a story of stories, and it is simply laid out in nine organic chapters, each story dovetailing with the others, in an intricately didactic depth.

In the first chapter, A Lesson about Adulting, we are introduced to our protagonist, Lara and her daydreaming about being a celebrated fashion designer. And her often-thought wish of growing up quickly so that she could live on her own and do things her way. Lara's daydreams are perpetually punctured by Fola her sister and her mom's commands for her to do one house chore or the other, and Lara always feels as though everybody is breathing down her neck.

In this book, we have before us to contrasts: Aunt Bukky visits her litlle nieces, Lara and Fola, finds some respite in being with the girls and family and feeling rather unlucky that though she's got a good job and can buy anything, life is still tough. She concludes that adulting is a scam. On the other hand, here is Lara wishing to become an adult quickly in order to live as she wishes, with the assumed freedom that comes with it.

Lara gets a bit of lecture: accountability is a concomitant of life, and adult life is a life of responsibilities.

Ronke also tucks in some golden nuggets on how not to use social media. We understand that when teenagers are unguided about proper ways of using smart phones and social media, they can get lost and be distracted. Thus we see Lara again burning her uniform, getting distracted. She is entrapped on a misadventure with a stranger on social media as she succumbs to peer pressure and a false solace in a stranger's validation gets her on a dangerous path.

In this book, Lara's Lessons, Ronke Giwa-Onafuwa gives the reader a vivid narration of school setting bullying and its psychological effect on the person at the receiving end. She shows the reader that it is just not good to laugh at people, unfeeling and uncaring about what they might be facing. So in the third chapter of the book, Lara's Lessons, the author tells us about Fausat and her attempt at suicide as a result of the emotional abuse and bullying she faces at school and her sexual abuse experience with her uncle. She makes the same case in the sixth chapter, A Lesson about Speaking Up, and insists that it is important to speak up and not be timidly fearful in the face of bullying, either as the victim or friend of the victim of bullying. She writes: 'You give people unnecessary power over you when you don’t speak up. A bully never stops bullying you until you do something about it, including standing up for yourself and reporting the bully.'

P70 For her, apart from speaking up, we must always try to know what others are going through and being kind to people. The fourth chapter of the book exposes to the reader, strong lessons about self-esteem especially for teenagers. Lara is here at the house of her cousin, Toni, whom just returns to Nigeria for the holidays. Whenever Lara converses with Toni and Michelle her friend, she feels that her accent is ugly, therefore she feels inadequate, and inferior and awkward.

In contrast, we see Fola, Lara's sister and how she easily eases into conversations with other people without being ashamed of her accent.

In comes Lara's mother once again, with a timely intervention. This is how the author puts the words into the mouth of Lara's mom:

'... your accent is perfectly fine because you are a Nigerian living in Nigeria, so of course you sound Nigerian and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Secondly, you should never compare yourself to anyone because that’s how you destroy your self-esteem; that is unhealthy and unproductive. You will often find yourself around people who look different, speak differently or who are just different in some way or the other; you must remain your authentic self and love who you are. Different doesn’t mean better or worse. Lara listened to her mum’s admonition; her mum always gives the best advice and knows how to put things in perspective. Instead of being herself and enjoying her time with her cousin, she had been busy putting herself down and feeling self-conscious about things nobody else cared about. “Always be your authentic self,’’ her mum continued, ‘’that’s what makes you unique and our uniqueness is what makes us all beautiful.'

Pp46-47 One of the highlights of the book is the preponderance of open, parent-child, no-holds-barred communication splashed across all the nine chapters of Lara's Lessons. Ronke gives us surplus supplies of this openness when Lara and her parents communicate and engage.

We also read in the book, Lara's Lessons, the need to introduce the rudiments of financial education to children, especially young boys and girls. For Lara, our protagonist, it is indeed humbling and eye-opening to be exposed to her father's financial documents, and be able to ask intelligent questions and get proper answers about how to make money, how to invest it, and how to spend it. The book makes it clear that it is an unhealthy mindset that only men should make money while women spend it.

An important message in this book is: work hard and smart, make money and spend it wisely and be in control of your finances.

In this book, the author stages a powerful protest against the stereotypes about beauty and what makes a beautiful woman.

This protest is recorded in chapter seven, A Lesson about Beauty.

Ronke laments about how beauty pageants have narrowed beauty to light skin, tall and slim, and how it is causing damage to the psyche of young ones and their perception of beauty. So we read that Lara here gets a lesson about having a positive body image, and not to succumb to another person's idea of how to look. Also in this book, the author makes a strong advocacy for day off school for girls during their menstrual period. For her, the cramps and stress that mostly comes with menstrual periods are enough arguments for this.

For the perceptive reader, there is also an important lesson in this book about how to manage failure, if, and when it comes, particularly for teenagers. The lesson here is that making the best effort and not struggling to please everyone is key to avoiding perpetual failure.

In the final chapter of Lara's Lessons, Lara almost gets caught in the ghastly web of marauding men, in her near tragic friendship with Teni, a wayward girl. Of course, she learns to not disregard her parent's warning, after she almost gets raped by Segun.

Ultimately, the book, Lara's Lessons, is a great work of art, whose beauty is in the elegantly crafted plot structure and the author's panache with the English language. Lara's Lessons, is a potent testament to the author's much practised experience as a much south-after mentor to young people, especially millenials, and her success at motherhood.

The book comes highly recommended. It is a great literary work to have if you have young ones, especially teenage girls, around you.